Speaking Up In Meetings

Have you ever sat in a meeting, too scared to say what’s on your mind, just for someone else to finally say it and then get all the credit? Do you then beat yourself up because it turned out that your idea was good but because you didn’t have the confidence to say anything people don’t realise that the idea was yours?

Speaking up in meetings is as terrifying as public speaking for a lot of people. It is a frequently cited problem for women and people from non-western cultural backgrounds. However, to get what you want in life you need people to hear you and listen to you, and this includes in the workplace.

Here is a list of common reasons people are scared of speaking up in meetings:

• Fear of looking stupid. All eyes and ears are focussed on you and are evaluating everything you have to say. You may even have an idea that is contrary to what everyone else has said which can be doubly intimidating. You are putting yourself out there and what if you’re wrong? Will your colleagues still respect you?
• Being a natural introvert. Introverts can mean that you don’t like attention and you just don’t like speaking up. If the workplace culture and team dynamics reward the person who speaks the loudest, the meeting can get shouty a long time before you want to contribute and you just can’t compete.
• Not knowing when to speak. It can be really hard to find a break in the meeting discussion to speak up, especially if you’re in a room with a lot of type-A personalities. When you do speak up you get talked over so you give up.
• Not thinking of the right thing to say until after the meeting is over. This happens to everyone.
• Hierarchy. If you’re in a room with people who are more senior that you are it can be intimidating to speak up as you don’t want to look silly and you don’t want to inadvertently make other people look silly, especially if they outrank you.
• Cultural differences. Some cultures are taught that it is not appropriate to speak up, especially if there are people of a higher rank in the room or if you are female and there are men in the room.
• Gender differences. Every woman on the planet who has sat in a meeting with a room full of men knows what it is like to be ignored, shushed, spoken over or have your idea stolen in front of you. In some workplaces women get punished for speaking up in meetings but that’s not a reason not to speak up, you just need to be smarter about it.
• Non-native English speaker. It can be really intimidating to speak up if you are concerned about your English not being perfect. If you get nervous you can lose your message in your struggle to find the right words, so you choose to say nothing.
• Neurodivergence. Some people have brains that are wired differently to others and so whilst they have great things to contribute, they struggle to read the social cues which results in clumsy interactions with others during meetings.

Feeling confident enough to speak up in meetings is a big part of career progression. If you don’t contribute to meetings people will fail to recognise the full extent of the value that you have to offer. The higher you move in an organisation the more important it is that you can effectively communicate with other people at all levels of the organisation. If people don’t see you doing it, they’ll assume that you can’t do it.

Here are some suggestions for how to speak up in meetings.

Assume your ideas are worth contributing.

It is really easy to second guess yourself and decide that it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it. The problem with this is that all you’re doing is allowing other people to fill in the gaps for you. If you don’t try to contribute people won’t assume that you have great ideas but that you’re too scared to contribute, they’ll just assume that you have nothing to contribute. If this goes on for too long you will find yourself missing out on opportunities and it may even affect the perception of your performance.

Conversely, don’t speak up for the sake of it. If you have nothing to say in a meeting there is nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to speak up in every meeting you go to, you just have speak up when you have something to say.

Own your airtime.

If you were invited to the meeting then you have a right to be there. This means that you have a right to contribute. Don’t diminish your contribution by prefacing it with something like “This is only my opinion but…”, “This might sound silly but…” or “I’m sorry, but”…. All you are doing is inviting people to ignore what you’re saying because even you don’t think it’s important.

Speak confidently, clearly and with intent.

You need to let people know that you expect to be listened to. When there is an opening to speak, don’t hesitate, seize it. How well people receive your ideas has a lot to do with how you deliver them.

It may be tempting to race through what you want to say if you’re nervous or fear being interrupted but when you talk too fast people may stop listening or struggle to keep up with you. This is especially a consideration if there are older people in the room because their hearing often fades with age.

Some people don’t realise that have bad meeting manners and will interrupt you and there will be other people who intentionally try to shut you down. This is where you need to be assertive and say “Excuse me, John, I’d appreciate being able to finish what I was saying.” Say it twice if you have to. If you keep your composure it will be John who looks like the clown. You need to train people to listen to you.

If English isn’t your native language then this step is really important. Take a breath and take the time you need to say what you want to say. People can wait a few seconds for you to choose the right words. The change of pace may also make what you’re saying more effective so make the most of it.

Frame your comments as questions.

This can help if you are more junior in the room or are concerned about not stepping on the egos of others. Unfortunately, there are still plenty of very sensitive people out there who will consider responses as challenges and try to turn meetings into a pissing contest. Asking a question such as “Has anyone considered X?” or “What would happen if we did X?” will generally result in a better response because it won’t feel like you’re taking a position that is in direct challenge to someone else’s position. It also encourages discussion.

Make use of segues.

A great way to introduce a point that you want to make is to use someone else’s point as a segue to your point. You can also squeeze in a compliment at the same time. For example, “Great point, John. What you just said ties in really well to X [point that you want to make]…”

Prepare for the meeting ahead of time.

Think about how you intend to contribute. Go through the agenda and any other meeting pre-read and make a list of items you would like to raise. You can refer to this list throughout the meeting as the topics organically come up. Having notes there to prompt you makes it easier to keep track of your thoughts and keep your message on point. If there is anything left on your list at the end of the associated agenda points or the end of the meeting you can raise it then.

Make room for yourself.

Many a meeting starts to go around in circles as people struggle to find the answer so just keep saying the same things over and over. This is your opportunity to be a circuit breaker. Try saying “Excuse me for interrupting, but maybe we should consider X.” Even if you have to squeeze into a pause halfway through someone else’s sentence, this can be a good way to get the meeting unstuck and to get your contribution out there are the same time.

Learn from other people.

If you are unsure about how and where to speak up in a meeting observe the people who seem to be getting all of the airtime. Are they bulldozing their way in? Are they very astute at finding the gaps? Are they getting a lot of opportunities to talk because other people in the meeting are deferring to them? How do they frame their contributions? What similar behaviours can you adopt that will improve your chances of being heard?

You would be surprised at how often the thing that you had the courage to say is what everyone else was thinking but didn’t have the courage to say. Your contribution then looks good to your superiors and results in the gratitude of your peers. Even if what you’re doing is challenging the groupthink, there are respectful ways to do this, such as asking questions rather than giving opinions.

Don’t be scared to be wrong. If you say something in a meeting that people don’t agree with most people forget about it as soon as the conversation moves on. Meetings should be a place to discuss ideas anyway, and if your “wrong” (for want of a better word) idea led the team to a better idea then that’s great. People will only remember you being “wrong” if you get defensive and double down. If you let the idea go and move on everyone will forget about it.

If you are from a diverse background, then it is actually even more important that you speak up in meetings. Your background will allow you to see things from a different perspective and from different angles than other people which means you may see solutions to problems that they can’t. This is value that only you can add so speak up and claim it.

You are going to encounter bullies or dinosaurs that will stomp all over what you have to say but don’t let their poor behaviour take your power. To improve you confidence speaking up in meetings you need to take action. The more you speak up the easier it will get and the more people will learn to listen to what you have to say. The greater your profile and the recognition of your contribution.

That’s the Confidence Advantage.